I gave this lecture on April 9, 2022.
Handling Criticism
INTRODUCTION
When a person agrees to stand up before a group of people and speak, he is asking to be criticized. It comes with the territory. Even if he were the most gifted public speaker and rhetorician, someone would not like what he said or how he said it. His critic might say that his speech is too flowery or that he is obviously arrogant or that he speaks from his ivory tower and has no conception of how the real world works. He is too young (or too old), his voice is too high (or low), he dresses poorly (or overdresses), or he uses too many gestures (or not enough). It can go on and on.
I may have mentioned this before, but when Herbert Armstrong died, and the powers that be picked new presenters for the World Tomorrow telecast, the four men chosen soon received merciless criticism. This one was too old, that one was too fleshy, another obviously wore a toupee, and the last one had a weird accent—and his ears weren’t level! Really!
SPS So, you put yourself out there as a public speaker, you need to be prepared to handle criticism—both the off-the-wall stuff as well as the legitimate, serious criticism. If you fail to handle it properly, it will drag you down, but if you manage it well, it will make you and your speaking stronger. In the next few minutes, I will give you a few pointers on how to do just that.
When you speak in front of people, you put yourself under scrutiny. Everything will be evaluated, not just your speech. From your ideas to your mannerisms to your nervous tics. Eventually, someone will say something truly critical, whether it is fair or unfair, important or picky, insightful or plain ignorant. It does not matter what it is, you need to handle it (1) wisely.
How do we do that? First, restrain yourself from responding immediately. If nothing else, pause to think about what you will say before you blurt something that will escalate the problem. Take a deep breath. One speech expert said to imagine yourself with open arms rather than with fists clenched and raised—that is, take a welcoming posture, not a combative one. So, do not fight back—do not even defend yourself. Hear what the critic is saying and think about it. If you must reply, then say, “Okay, I’ll consider what you said.”
Proverbs 15:1: “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Second, respond gracefully. It is natural to want to argue or give it right back, but wisdom says, “No, take it like a man, use self-control, and give a calm, measured, gentle answer.” That is the kind of answer Jesus would give: Turn the other cheek. Accept it with grace. That will give you time to think about it, whether it is legitimate or not.
Third, think it through objectively. Consider it from every angle. If it has no basis in fact or is otherwise unfounded or ridiculous, shrug it off. If it has merit, examine it more thoroughly and determine if making a change would be beneficial.
This is where (2) humility is necessary. God says in three places—Psalm 138:6; James 4:6; and I Peter 5:5—that He opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. If we are proud and arrogant, or even touchy and defensive, we are on the path to destruction. God is none of those things. If we are humble, though, we will be teachable and open to improvement. That is the path to growth and blessing.
So, when criticized, see it as an opportunity for growth and improvement. You may have to objectify it—that is, consider it as something outside of yourself—so you give yourself some psychological distance from it. In that way, you can examine it from all sides and make an objective judgment about its applicability to you. But it may help you to see that it has some merit, accept it, and set about correcting the problem.
Also, if you—in your humility—realize that your reaction to the criticism was carnal in some way, it gives you an opportunity for character growth. The criticism itself may not be valid, but it may prove to be a catalyst for a small measure of spiritual growth, which is always good. So, face it with humility.
CONCLUSION Finally, (3) seek the opinions of a few honest, trusted friends on the specific point of criticism. Good friends hone one another to a sharp edge (Proverbs 27:17). There is wisdom in multiple counselors (Proverbs 11:14). Doing this will eliminate crackpot criticisms or verify legitimate ones. And they may have some good advice on how to overcome the problem to boot. So—
If you face criticism—and you will!—(1) respond to it wisely and carefully, (2) treat it with humility, and (3) seek counsel. These points should help you weather the storm!