I gave this lecture on January 8, 2022.
Taking Criticism
INTRODUCTION
In my junior year at Ambassador College, I had a great idea for an Ambassador Club speech. I really wanted it to be a good one—and perhaps win Most Improved Speaker or Most Effective Speech. So, it put everything I had into it. I was heavily invested in it, and I put myself under stress to get it right. By the way, this was about a year after my speech instructor had called my speaking style “pedantic,” and I was focused on overcoming that impression.
So, I gave my speech and actually gave it fairly well. When I sat down, I thought I had done a pretty good job. Certainly, there wasn’t anything glaringly wrong with the presentation. My vocal variety and gestures had been good. The speech’s organization and logic had been sound. In a way, my attitude was, “He’s not going to be able to find anything to criticize!”
“He” was Kurt Hoyer, a senior and a nice guy. I could even call him a friend, as he was dating—and later married—one of my closest friends at school. He was known to be very intelligent and quite good at argument. He later worked for the federal government in embassies all over the world. I was arrogant enough to think that even Kurt wouldn’t be able to find a chink in my armor!
His first words popped my swollen head: “I’ll get straight to my point. While the rest of your speech came across just fine, it held a fatal flaw. There is no such word as ‘eloquency.’ And if you’re going to talk about eloquence, you’d better use the right word!” What irony! Kurt went on to say that he thought it was an egregious enough fault that I should be failed. But I didn’t hear that—not really. I only know it because the director later said that, though Kurt had recommended I be failed, he thought the positives outweighed that one negative. So, I passed.
But his criticism floored me more than I would admit at the time. Here I was, someone who took a great deal of pride in his use of language and had spoken of it, and I was speared—and rightly so—for using a non-word. We love to coin new words, but in most cases, it is completely unnecessary. As my father-in-law, Jack Bulharowski, said in a similar situation to someone else, “English has plenty of good words. There’s no reason to make up a new one.”
SPS You will get a fair amount of criticism in Speech Club—evaluations. Many of you receive regular work assessments or performance reviews to gauge your value to your employer. You will have to develop a thicker skin than I had to make the most of this opportunity to improve your speaking skills. You will also learn how to give criticism in gentleness and love to help your brothers be the best they can be.
There are a good number of proverbs that speak to this subject. For instance,
- “Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid” (Proverbs 12:1).
- “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who heeds counsel is wise” (c. 12:15).
- “There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health” (c. 12:18).
- “He who disdains instruction despises his own soul, but he who heeds rebuke gets understanding” (c. 15:32).
- “Rebuke is more effective for a wise man than a hundred blows on a fool” (c. 17:10).
- “Like an earring of gold and an ornament of fine gold is a wise rebuker to an obedient ear” (c. 25:12).
- “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful” (c. 27:6).
- “As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend” (c. 27:17).
CONCLUSION It is a good thing—a mature and wise thing—to learn to take correction and criticism. I hope we will create an environment in this Club where we know that the evaluations are given in love and not spite—that we are helping to build up each other, not tear down. Edify, not destroy. They are for good, to be encouraging and helpful, to make the speaker more effective, and not given to boost the evaluator’s ego or embarrass the speaker.
One final admonition from Solomon: “Listen to counsel and receive instruction, that you may be wise in your latter days” (c. Proverbs 19:20).